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2009 Movie Guide

2009 looks like a very exciting year for cinema. There will be so many blockbuster films coming to the cinemas that you might as well move into an aisle. Unfortunately we don't have physic powers, and so can't be sure how each movie will turn out, but we will use our near flawless intuition to fill you in as best we can.

Starting with a stinker, and as dedicated gamers it pains us to say this but we honestly don't think Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li will be much of an improvement over its prequels. Kristin Kreuk and Michael Clarke Duncan (from The Green Mile) might push it into mediocrity and regardless of the reviews we'll still probably watch it anyway, but are hopes aren't high.

Another game getting involved in the movie market is The Sims. Now before you dismiss this as rubbish, listen to the idea behind the movie. It's very weird science inspired, two kids start playing the Sims 'Infinity Pack' and as they become more and more immersed, they notice how their actions in the game are affecting what's happening in the real world. Ok, now you've read that you're more than welcome to dismiss it as rubbish.

Another game being magically transformed into a movie is Tekken. Now we're genuinely excited to see this, the plot seems simple enough (lots of ripped bodies fighting) and they haven't taken too many risks with the cast list. A lot of the Tekken characters are also being incorporated into the film, although we're a little gutted not to see King in it. This movie will naturally be especially good if you're a fan of the game to begin with.

One movie we wouldn't watch even if someone paid us is Dragonball. Fans will get pedantic about Lord Piccolo being the wrong colour. We however, refuse to watch it as it looks like an infant school production.

The Watchmen movie will also be coming out in 2009, yet another action movie based on comics, how original. We're quietly optimistic about this, but it has stiff competition from the X-Men movies – not only in the past, but the new ones too. The X-Men Origins films starts with one of the most interesting of the X-Men – Wolverine. A lot is expected, and from the look of the trailers a lot will be delivered.

Away from people getting killed on the big screen briefly, Sacha Baron Cohen's least famous comedy creation (after Ali G and Borat) Brüno will be taking to the big screen in his mockumentary. Expect big names to be embarrassed, and even bigger laughs to be had. His first two movies with Ali G and Borat have been genius, let's hope Cohen can make it three out of three.

Did you know that Sherlock Holmes never actually said ”Elementary my dear Watson“? But he might just say it in the Sherlock Holmes movie due out in 2009. Starring as Mr Holmes is Robert Downey Jr, and as Mr Watson is Jude Law. They've got the cast, let us just hope they do the Sherlock justice.

I'm gone send you to outer space, to find another race. No need to sing Max Romeo sampled Prodigy songs, soon all you'll have to do is go to your local cinema to see into outer space, and see a race with pointy ears. Star Trek looks promising, and is practically unmissable to anyone who watches the TV show.

Logically, the next movie to look at is Notorious. Spok is (probably) a big fan of artist formerly known as Biggie Smalls. Notorious is a film bio of Christopher Wallace, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Despite the cast of relative unknowns, the director and producers have ensured the movie stays faithful to the life and death of the Notorious B.I.G.

A movie Itchy is nervous about is the potential American remake of Korean classic; Old Boy. Hollywood has a bad reputation when it comes to remaking Asian classics, and a movie as powerful and close to the knuckle as Old Boy will not survive well with an American remake. We can all read subtitles, go on Hollywood, leave Old Boy alone.

One thing Hollywood does do well are sequels, and we are petitioning for 2009 to be called the year of sequel, or squeakuel as Alvin and the Chipmunks call it. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel probably won't be a classic, but it will be cute and furry. Jason Lee from My Name is Earl will be back, as the chipmunks struggle with going to school.

Sticking with cute, furry and CGI, Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs will be in the cinemas in 2009. The previous two have been great, and adding dinosaurs to a movie is always a wise move. Think how bland Jurassic Park would have been without dinosaurs.

A sequel that definitely won't have any dinosaurs in is Terminator: Salvation, nope, not even Arnold Schwarzenegger will be showing his wrinkled face. Although, he has granted Halcyon Company permission to use his likeness in the film. Christian Bale will be the new protagonist, fighting against super villain Helena Bonham Carter. We genuinely don't know what to expect.

But we do feel very safe in saying that Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen, will be an excellent sequel. Shia LaBeouf and the world's sexiest woman Megan Fox will both be back, taking on the transforming robots. Producers will be hoping the sequel will be as successful as the original.

Speaking of sequels, and prequels, a new Fast & Furious movie is out this year. Despite the all-new cast in Tokyo Drift, the movie is going back to the original cast in the first Fast and the Furious movies (Vin Diesel, Paul Walker etc) and is making a prequel to Tokyo Drift. Which makes little to no sense, but that's Hollywood for you!

Arguably, the king of sequels is the Saw series. Saw VI will be hitting the cinemas in 2009. You should know the deal with Saw by now – people getting terrorised by Jigsaw and made to appreciate the life they have. It will be a picnic, we can't wait to take Grandma Itchy for her monthly cinema trip.

The sixth Harry Potter movie will be hitting the cinemas, and will feature Harry and Hermione tackling 'muggle' knife crime in the streets of London, with some unexpected results... Okay we lied, but Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is the second last film of the series, and we have a sneaky suspicion that it will be as popular as the rest of them. Probably best to wait until it comes out on DVD, unless you enjoy being joined in the cinema by 10 year olds and their parents.

New Moon, yet another fantasy sequel, picks up where Twilight left off. What could possibly happen next in Edward and Bella's complicated ”I'm a vampire but you're not“ love affair? Well, you can read the book if you like, but films sure are easier.

Finally, cult classic Donnie Darko gets the sequel treatment, in the shape of S. Darko, that's S for Samantha. That's right, they've gone all Next Karate Kid on us and replaced the lead with a girl, and quite an attractive one at that. Donnie's sister has been promoted to the lead role, and they've also brought in Jessie Spano (Elizabeth Berkley) from Saved By the Bell. If that won't make it a sure fire classic, we don't know what will.

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