Laugh, don't get laughed at
Admit it, it’s happened to you at least once. You’re in a comedy club having a good chuckle when suddenly the comedian singles you out as the sole target of their piss-taking. Not so much fun anymore, eh? Well, if being mercilessly mocked by a comedian's as close to your idea of fun as an extended holiday in Guantanamo Bay, here are some ways you can avoid being singled out.
Don’t sit at the front
Itchy never fails to be surprised by how many unsuspecting victims go straight to the front just to get a good view of the comedian, seemingly forgetting that the closer you sit to the act, the easier a target you are. Also, don't forget that comedians are an unpredictable bunch, so sitting at the back's not going to guarantee your safety either. Your best bet is to sit somewhere in the middle.
Don’t be late
Another obvious one. If you walk in late you’re bound to interrupt the comedian in the middle of their act. From the frequency with which tardiness is greeted with a barrage of put-downs, you'd imagine comedians were real sticklers for punctuality. In fact, by making noise during the act you distract the rest of the audience from the comedian, meaning that they need to do something that grabs the audience attention back sharpish. Which is inevitably going to mean abusing latecomers. If you value your reputation, and you're running late, just turn back now.
Look as normal as possible
So you're thinking 'I don't have green hair, and I'm not wearing a stupid piece of head apparel – I'm dressed normally enough to be ok.' Think again – some comedians fancy themselves as the fashion police. Itchy once decided to wear a nice patterned jumper to a comedy club, prompting the set to start with the words, 'Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the show, we've got a gr....FUCK ME! LOOK AT THE JUMPER ON THAT!'. We were sitting five rows back. Just wear black. All black. In as unremarkable a cut as possible.
Go in a small group of people
Going to a comedy club for a special occasion is always a bad idea. Aside from the fact that large groups take up a lot of space, groups out for special occasions get drunk fast and as a result, they get loud fast too. If your group is loud and large enough that you can’t even hear the comedian, this is bad. Because they can almost certainly hear you, and pretty soon everyone's going to be staring. Ideally, a group of six or less is a good number.
Lastly, don’t heckle the comedian
After a couple of pints, they mightn’t seem either funnier or more clever than you, but you can bet money that they’ve spent more time in advance planning what they’re going in the eventuality of a heckle, and you might want to go double or quits on it being designed to make you look stupid. As Jimmy Carr once shot back at a heckler – ‘No sir, the idea of heckling is that you’re meant to make me look like a twat.’ Don’t do it.
Avoid being mocked at this Bath comedy club: The Comedy Cavern
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