Leeds bouncers guide
Yeah, we know what you're thinking. 'Bouncers: malevolent, gobby trolls that like nothing better than making people's lives a misery', right? Luckily, it's not that simple. Some of Leeds' bouncers are very nice people. Here's Itchy's guide of whom to avoid and whom to adore when it comes to Leeds' doormen.
If you're after a guaranteed entry, stay away from Townhouse. The picky bouncers here must moonlight for the fashion police, because they are notorious for not letting people in. You'd be much better off at the Dry Dock. Despite their Matrix coats and confrontational stances, Liam and Gav on the door are Leeds bouncers at their best; they don't take the piss with us, and vice versa.
One of the strangest things about Leeds' bouncers is the oddly sexist double standard they hold when it comes to dress. From Call Lane to Bourbon, Discotheque and beyond, there's a bizarre door policy that gives ladies the right to strut in half naked, their orange-peel thighs only covered by two inches of Select and New Look defined as a skirt. However, when it comes to gents, the bouncers act like the footwear Gestapo, honing on on any non-leather footwear like grumpy exocets.
Not only are trainers out the window, but you can kiss goodbye anything you were thinking of wearing that contains the slightest touch of canvas to it. Interestingly though, once inside, behaviour such as consuming three shots of luminous green liquid every ten minutes, hurtling around on the dance floor, slipping over into strangers, and vomiting into plant containers is all condoned, nay, applauded even...but it's what's on yer feet that counts.
Still, bouncers are not all bad. While Itchy holds its hands up as having tarred bouncers with the disgust typically devoted to traffic wardens, we'd like to remind you that these poor souls have to put up with the drunken louts on a daily basis and are actually there to look out for you and your mates.
In a recent event, two irresponsible individuals misplaced their Morrisons bags containing an entire week's worth of student diet in Fab Café. Had it not been for 'Cookie', the vigilant and kind bouncer, these two would have suffered imminent starvation. See: not only overseeing nights out, but saving lives too. Give those bouncers a break.
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