A sniff back in time

Join us on a trip through time in the city of Leeds. A journey which evokes all of your senses, especially that of your smell...

So, we'll start in the past. In terms of the history of stink, Thackray Medical Museum wrote the book. Here you can choke yourself half to death on the authentic stink of a Victorian Street in 1842. The museum promises to tell 'the story of medicine' but in reality, the museum tells the story we'd prefer to hear, one about squalor and filth. We want to hear the horror stories... the rats, the fleas and the sewers. Sure, if you are that way inclined, you can go look at the 'world's largest collection of English jars', but admit it, it's much more entertaining trying to work out just how they managed to concoct the smell, isn't it?

Thackray Museum is located a little out of the city centre, next to St. James Hospital. If you can't afford the entry fee, why not just walk around the local streets of Burmantofts and Harehills. Apparently, if you're lucky, you might still be able to witness amputations without anaesthetic here too...

We can delve even deeper into the past. The foundations of Kirkstall Abbey were laid in 1152, and you certainly wouldn't turn your nose up at a visit on a summers' day. The only problem is; nobody here has even attempted to recreate the smell of a twelfth-century abbey. Can you imagine how much better that would make the Abbey experience? If they installed massive metal air conditioning units in the middle of the picturesque ruins? Units which could pump out foul-smelling vapours which would intoxicate the passing tourist?

For the pleasure of a real 12th century smell, you need to venture down one of the sneaky little alleyways - ginnels - off Briggate. Public house The Angel has a distinctive smell which almost defies description. It is probably the reason why smoking shouldn't be banned in every pub. You could almost imagine yourself lost in some alternative reality... And you could quite conceivably wish that your nose could be amputated.

Another famous Leeds landmark, says Itchy, tapping our nose knowingly, is the Kirkgate Market. Entrenched in Leeds' history as the up-and-coming Knightsbridge of the North, it's the place where Michael Marks (later of Marks and Sparks fame) first opened a store. More importantly, the place absolutely reeks. You could drown in here, the atmosphere is so weighed down by the pungent aroma of fish, meat and dodgy moth-bitten clothes. Some of the people stink brilliantly too. It takes real commitment to grow such smells.

So what does modern-day Leeds smell like? Itchy has often thought that Leeds could well be summed up by the smell of the BBC Building. Mixed in with the stink of the slippery lies that come out of Weatherman Paul Hudson's mouth, you get the mouthwatering aromas of the Aagrah Restaurant. Which brings us to the conclusion that the smell of Leeds these days is a kind of conglomeration of old and new...

And for the future?

If you sniffed Leeds' future, you'd sniff a whole city taken over by the universities. The city will smell of student - roll-ups, books, cider with ice, kebabs, taxis, rent-day panic ... One day, we'll wake up and we'll look out of the window and we'll see flyers everywhere. They'll cover the ground and the cars like snow. When you smell that faint smell of barbecues on a frosty March morning, then you'll know it has been too late.

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